In retrospect, I feel so bad for what he went through too. My advise is this, tell him that you do not want to have sex because you are tired, sick, or just plain not in the mood. Wife also loved sex. He is grieving the loss of "himself" and needs to learn how to deal. And I have family obligations. Oceanlady is all about oceanlady, not caring about and for the other.
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Sometimes I will get drunk just to shut my brain up and we have great sex! My gosh, sometimes when he passes out I check if he is breathing. This happened over the 12 years we have been married. I resonate with your post. For her and each and every morning we woke early to make love. I get the lack of sex needs to be talked about, but i fell I am accusing, and I see it in his eyes. He talks about sex all the time always touching and groping.